I'm going to start this blog with something that my mother said to me tonight. "It's okay to just stay home and relax." The look on her face was dead serious, and I won't ever forget it. She's worried about me, and I can tell.
I do look really run-down...it's probably because I am. My therapist could tell yesterday, my mom can read me like a book, and when I was looking at myself in the mirror tonight I just thought, "ugh."
It's okay though. I am going to get the rest I need soon. The best part of this phase of exhaustion? I'm happy. I am feeling super happy about the things going on in my life. I might not be beaming at every single second, but things are certainly turning around.
I was definitely feeling pretty blue tonight. I left EMU after my last class and didn't even go to eboard because I was upset. I stopped at my parent's and that made me feel better. Driving with Normie and Bryan made me feel better. I came home, relaxed a bit then Pookie came over and I felt better. I'm sitting here, post shower, exhausted as can be, but I'm happy to say that it's great when you are able to get ahold of that bad mood and exhaustion and make a decision to change it.
I am way too excited for the show this weekend. Although it's taken a major toll on my body, (unfortunately, having a disease that slows you down a little can make it tough when you perform like an insane woman) and my time, and everything, it's exactly what I needed right now. I honestly cannot think of anything that makes me feel more self confident than singing on that stage. This experience has definitely made me feel a certain way about myself, my body, my abilities; it's strangely all positive. Even tonight, when I was feeling super lonely, it wasn't about the fact that I don't like how I look or that I'm unlovable. There's a bit of a change in me. It's because I missed my friends who love me and I love them. It's because we're all busy, and adults, but proud of each other. It's because the one is out there somewhere looking for me. Maybe he's not looking yet, but he will be soon, and it will be great.
Other things...
This weekend is going to be phenomenal. Courtney is coming home, thank goddess. Nina and Ellen are coming with us to broomball and Bdubs. APPLE CHARLIE'S IS FINALLY HAPPENING! Rocky is going to be off the charts of amazingness, and so are the after parties! It's pledge initiation for APO on Sunday! All good things.
I have been thinking of all of these things I needed to put in my journal, so I'm just gonna start a section called random.
RANDOM:
- I love when Matthew says the word Purple. It sounds like "purpur" and nothing makes me smile bigger.
- Chris Capaul said something amazing the other day, in regards to the article on the monroenews website (http://www.monroenews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080925/ARTS/109259990) about Rocky. He said, "If god didn't want us to do things like this, he wouldn't have invented laughter. If God didn't want things like this to be funny, he wouldn't have given us a sense of humor. He wants us to laugh." That was one of the most beautiful and poignant things I've ever heard.
- I am absolutely one hundred percent boy crazy right now. Too bad every single boy has a girlfriend in the world.
- I am super psyched for Laura's wedding. It's gonna be amazing.
- One of my biggest pet peeves, and I don't know why, is when people call Mongolian BBQ "Mongo's." Wouldn't it be MONGO? It's not a person named Mongolian's BBQ. Mongolian is not a person. It's like saying it's Italian sausage, or French fries. (I know French fries aren't really named af...oh you get the idea.) I'm a word nerd, I can't help it!
- I really want to buy new clothes.
I think that's it for now. I've been feeling like I really needed to write in here, but I can't remember all of the things I needed to say.
More to come soon, I'm sure.
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