You remind me of my father....

I cannot believe it's been a year since Heath Ledger died. I know it sounds crazy, but I miss him. I didn't know him, obviously, but I really miss him and I am so sad that the world will not see what he was meant to bring to the screen. That man was a brilliant actor. His passing away really touched me and seeing the Dark Knight that summer was such a bittersweet experience.



I had such a weird trip to see that movie, and I left that night enraged at the insensitivity of my friends; maybe I was more angry that they just (at that point, anyway) really didn't understand me as a person. I was so distraught after watching that film that I could hardly sleep. I remember talking to Eric about it like it was yesterday. Someone who is in my close group of friends scoffed at me when I said that the world missed out on alot by losing him as such an early age. I was actually made fun of for trying to express a little bit of beauty and what I thought.

That was another huge turning point in my life. It's silly, I know, but for some reason it clicked that night that I might actually be worth defending. My thoughts and feelings might actually be worthy. Just because I was friends with guys, that didn't mean I should be so easily brushed aside, and I the fact that I thought a little deeper about some things that others didn't didn't warrant the hurt feelings that I was constantly feeling.

I know that even alot of the people who know me the best know that I get pissed at things, but they might not understand why. I think the biggest pet peeve that I have is when people try to make you feel stupid. ESPECIALLY because of being a girl. I can't stand it. I think that it roots alot in my childhood and my past lives. I also think that as much as we joke around about things, sometimes there is a line that gets crossed, and that's when I freaked the frick out. I can't help it. I've got an Irish temper and although I should get a better hold of it, I'm really sensitive.

Going to therapy has made an enormous difference in my life, and I cannot even begin to imagine where I would be right now without it. I have made such positive choices regarding who I've kept in my life, how I act/react in situations, etc. and I have to say that looking back on Heath Ledger's death and seeing the Dark Knight, I think I may have been able to handle that situation alot better this year than I did last.

I've become much more confident in the fact that enough though I may be a little different I am still worthy. People still like me. Some love me. It might sound a little bold, but I feel so much better realizing a bit more now that even if I freak out and over react, people are going to still love me. I don't mean to do it, I just do. Honestly, though, the things that I "overreact' to are just my way to trying to spread the message to be "right." I just wanna to live to be "right" by myself. Dave Bechard once said something to me, and I will never forget it. He told me that he tries to live his life in a way that no one would have a reason to say anything bad about him. I look at that in a different way now. I now know that that means you have to live right by yourself so that even if other's don't like it, or talk about you, or WHATEVER, you don't even have to care about it because you know it's what is right to you. That's a huge realization.

So yay therapy. Yay self discovery. Dare I say it? Yay ME.

What started as a blog entry about an amazing actor that we lost has ended up, as therapy usually does for me, something compeltely different that what I meant to write about. That's good though. People should try it more often, it does wonders. :)