I feel like every once in awhile I get so caught up in how I look...not in a good way. Okay, I'm caught up in how I look alot of the time, in a good way or funny way, haha, because I'm really self conscious about not going out with make-up on, or having to wear something cute/accessories every time I go out, but that's just me. I'm talking about the kind of caught up that's not happy or fun; I'm talking about the self deprecating, 'make you cry' glimpse at a picture or in a mirror that makes you so unhappy about how you look that you freeze or get a chill.
I've thought alot about this lately because I'm slowly sinking into one of those "don't take a picture of me" or I don't wanna stand by ____________ kind of phases. It makes me sad, because first of all, I am a firm believer that looks aren't everything and I do believe that personality definitely defines us and makes us who we are - I get upset when I get caught up in something that I know that I don't want to get caught up in. Also, I know that it's unrealistic for people to say that looks don't matter at all, and I'm definitely a fan of people who embrace how they look. Different IS beautiful.
I am in no way trying to defend the weight that I've gained, because I know it is unhealthy and I know it's something that makes me unhappy, but I have been so sick of hearing about how weight has been portrayed in the media as of late. I think it's always been something that's been nasty in the media, but come on! Jessica Simpson? Megan McCain? If these girls are "fat and ugly" where does that put the rest of us? Why do I stand when those women who I think are absolutely gorgeous are said to be atrocious? To hear the NASTY things that Laura Ingraham had to say about the beautiful Meghan McCain makes me absolutely sick. (Yes, even though I am an avid Obama supporter, I LOVE the McCains.) I just read part of her article at McCainBlogette.com -
In today’s society this is, unfortunately, predictable. Everyone from Jessica Simpson to Tyra Banks, Oprah Winfrey, and Hillary Clinton has fallen victim to this type of image-oriented bullying. Recent pictures of Pierce Brosnan’s wife, Keely Shaye Smith, on the beach in her bikini raised criticism about her weight and choice of bathing suit—as if the woman should be wearing a giant muumuu to swim in the ocean. After Kelly Clarkson’s recent appearance on American Idol, the first commentary I read on the Internet was about her weight gain instead of her singing.
My weight was consistently criticized throughout the campaign. Once someone even suggested I go to a plastic surgeon for liposuction. Afterward, I blogged about loving my body and suggested critics focus their insecurities about women’s bodies elsewhere. On the other side, my mother was constantly slammed for being too skinny, so the weight obsession of the media and our culture goes both ways. It also goes to both parties. Hillary Clinton has consistently received criticism for her pantsuits and figure. Whatever someone’s party, these criticisms are quite obviously both wrong and distracting from the larger issues at play.
The question remains: Why, after all this time and all the progress feminists have made, is weight still such an issue? And in Laura’s case, why in the world would a woman raise it? Today, taking shots at a woman’s weight has become one of the last frontiers in socially accepted prejudice.
She's so right! Obviously if someone is so over weight that they are unhealthy that's a different story, but why are beautiful curvy women like Meghan McCain or Kelly Clarkson scrutinized like this? How could an OLD woman attack a 23 year old girl like that? This is the reason that girls like myself stay up all night hating how they look. It's disgusting and sad. I wish that I was a strong enough person to just say EFF YOU, and to tell you the truth sometimes I am, but sometimes I get all caught up in how someone's looks effect how they think of themselves, how others think of them, how this that and the other and so on for hours.
So what is the answer? I joined the Trenton Athletic Club last week because I am sick of feeling immobile and inactive. I'm not really into sports , but I do love to dance and I absolutely adore yoga; the TAC has lots of great class opportunities. They've also got a nice gym so if I even put in 20 minutes a day, that's better than nothing. I'm going to try to make better choices based on the fact that I want to treat myself better. I want to take my vitamins, drink more water, cut back on the crazy lack-of-time driven fast food intake, and try to find a little bit of balance. I think getting back into therapy after about a month off will help too.
I feel alot better about this after sitting down here and blogging about it. Sometimes we just need to express ourselves a bit and getting thoughts outside of you definitely helps when you're someone like me. :)
To end on a positive note, I had this thought today:
I generally get like this in the spring time. I always do a big life reform after a winter spent locked away, and I was feeling pretty good about myself this afternoon when I was running errands, because I put on a dress with a sweater over it, and with my pale as snow legs out and flip flops on, I felt good. I think everyone should sit down and think about what their favorite part of their body is and find a way to showcase it. It REALLY makes you feel good. I absolutely LOVE my legs - they are my strength. They help me do all of my favorite things; travel, dance, keep busy. I love it when my legs can be free, and I love feeling the sunshine and warmth on them. I thought about how I have to wear shorter skirts and showcase my legs, because it suits my body shape. Summer is coming and I will be able to do that more often! I got a pedicure today with Trish and that made me happy too. I love when my piggies can be free and happy! :)
3 comments:
when i heard what that woman said about mccain, i was shocked. that quote you have bolded is SO true!!!
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this post makes me incredibly cheerful :D
"Sometimes we just need to express ourselves a bit and getting thoughts outside of you definitely helps when you're someone like me."
i LOVE it! and you are SO right about needing to showcase the parts of yourself that you enjoy. have fun at the TAC!
I think what you posted is amazing.
The other day a girl I go to school with and I were talking about this...how society has screwed us up SO badly.
My friend Nicole is 29 and even I (22) were talking about how when we were young these things didn't matter, but now even elementary school kids are having huge problems. But for her and I, most of the looks issues didn't start until high school and most of it was just being unsure and adjusting to the changes in your body, not necessarily because we felt too big or little or not good enough.
Nicole said she didn't start feeling insecure about how she looked until she was about 23 years old, and let me tell you, she is absolutely beautiful and it's crazy for her to even think that. For me, I used to be a little insecure because I had more of a "middle-school-boy" figure in high school bc all I did was play sports, but since college all I do is feel like I'm not "woman" enough or think ___ or ___. It's so sad! I really think it's a combination of many things:
-magazines/news, etc
-movies (specifically pornography...men expect women to be these super sexual objects that do ANYTHING)
-men...which are influenced by the previous two points, and in turn make us women feel not good enough. they may think it's harmless if you're hanging out with them, but sitting around hearing them talk about girls that pass ("check out that girl...what a nice butt" or whatever) makes us look at that girl and compare her to ourselves, at least I know I do. We get completely objectified.
Regardless of how much we fight it, we are completely immersed in it, so it's hard to entirely avoid it.
I think it's a great idea to focus on the good points (like you said). I try to do that too...I've always liked my arms so I enjoy wearing tank tops or tighter shirts on my arms. I think it's awesome that you get to wear skirts again because it's getting warm! More power to the people. ;) :)
It makes me disgusted and sad that you feel that way about yourself :( ....(not disgusted with you, but with the fact that society makes you feel that way!) because you are so incredible and honestly, gorgeous. You have so many great qualities that I could sit here all day and name. Physically and personality/character.
I think it is a good idea that you got a membership at the TAC...and not because it'll change how you look or something, it's not about appearance at all. It's because you will feel better and your body will really appreciate it. (You're talking to a physiology major, so I am very in-the-know about how stuff in your body works and I am very motivated to be healthier bc the more I learn about how poorly we are to our bodies, it really bothers me).
But anyway....long-story-not-so-short, I appreciate this post and agree with you.
I think we need to try and stop reading and feeding into these things that shape our society...as sad as that is. Unfortunately, even though I try to focus my attention elsewhere, I still struggle with body image. We are all made perfectly and beautifully, and we need to keep that in mind! It's nice to feel "desired", but we need to remember the true desire we want to feel is for WHO we are, not what we look like. People don't really care about what you look like if they are actual friends. Besides, society's version of "beauty" is constantly changing and molding to fit about 0.000002% of the population...and this "beauty" is SO fleeting. Our lives and bodies change each day and one day, we'll all be old and wrinkly, haha. Those girls who go tanning all the time will be wrinkly and leathery in 10 years. Do you think others will find that beautiful??
In the end it doesn't matter because those people are still WHO they are and aren't any less of a person. Either are you and I, ever.
I know you agree with that and it's hard to keep it into perspective. idk. I could type forever about this.
Just know that I love you. And you're beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. I want you to know I am here for you to encourage you and help in any way I can. You don't have to hold in these things to yourself (which this time you didn't, obviously lol) but you have people who care, that back you up, and can give you that little kick-in-the-butt when you're feeling down about yourself because you should NEVER feel that way...
aw i love you bridgette!! you are gorgeous.
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