I swear I'm going to try to do this more regularly!

This is going to the the blog to end all blogs, haha…

I have been meaning to write so much…there is constantly so much going around in my head that is supposed to make it to this blog and I never have a moment to sit down and write it out.

Luckily, I finished homework a little early, and while I’m watching my lovely TLC shows, it’s time to get them out.

I have experienced so much in the past month or so, it’s been very eye opening and wonderful and scary and suspenseful all at the same time.

Firstly, an update on Dad – he’s been getting his chemo every three weeks and getting scans. The cancer is basically gone from his lungs, which is incredible because that’s the only place it spread to besides his tumor. Way to kick stage four cancer right in the ass, Daddio. The tumor is still there and they are working on trying to see how it’s shrinking/if it’s shrinking, but I guess the way that it is situated makes it hard to see in a CAT scan. He’s got a scan coming up on the 13th, and what we are praying is that soon, like the doctors even said, they might be able to consider some “maintenance work” which would be something different than chemo because it’s really breaking Dad’s spirits right now. It’s really hard on him, and it’s hard to watch him go through so much just to be able to live – obviously for himself, but for us too. It makes you feel so guilty. They didn’t say that for sure they would be able to try something new or when they would, so we just have to see. I think what’s the hardest on our family is that all of us are not very good at not being in control of what’s going on. It’s a life changer and point of view changer, for sure.



Next, I got to fulfill a life dream of sitting in the front row of the Fox Theatre awhile back ago. Mind you, this was at Curious George Live, haha, but the best part of all of it was that I got to see my beautiful Marty on stage doing what he was born to do. It was honestly a dream come true. I was so dewy eyed the entire time, and it was extra fun because my Mom was right next to me. We talked about when I was a little kid going to see Sesame Street Live with my Uncle Rich, and I thought it was kind of sweet that we were together doing that again. I have not felt pride like that in so long. My heart swelled for my super star who I have always known would be doing this. It was so inspiring and it made me question my own goals and what really makes me happy. (Back to that soon!)



Next was Sam and John’s wedding which was fulfilling another self prophecy of how amazing it would be when it happened, haha. And let me tell you, it was even better! I don’t know a couple who belongs together more than Sam and John, and Dave and I had a blast hanging with old friends and meeting new ones. We took a bunch of great photo booth pictures and had lots of fun dancing. I feel so honored to have shared such a special day with two of the best people I know, and I can’t wait to see where life takes them and US together! <3



Rocky opened and closed in what seemed like a whirlwind of constant new casting and changes to the theory of the show, but it was as fun as ever and ended up being received very well. I definitely enjoyed meeting so many new friends and I think my favorite part of the Rocky experience is seeing next cast members participate in a midnight show for the first time – I swear, you feel like you’re famous. It’s just incredible. That show makes you feel so good about yourself, how you look, who you are – and I wish we could all harness that feeling more in our daily lives. I’ll definitely miss it and it makes me a little sad that it seemed to fly by so so so fast this year.

One thing I’ve realized from all of this is that I’ve got to sink my teeth into some creativity soon. Like, BIG TIME. I am rounding home base on the having a degree in Child Development thing, and I just would really love to get involved in the theatre in a bigger way. I know I need to work on my physical being and brush up on my skills, but I’d like to say I have the experience of audition for something real. I think I could do it, honestly. Especially children’s theater…it’s like I was meant to do it. I am just longing to work somewhere that has a solid staff and a good work ethic and somewhere that cranks out some serious shows…I can do this. Details to follow as I pursue this idea, whether it be trying to find a new group to audition for, etc. whatever…I don’t know just yet.

Life is great, even though at times right now it seems a little rough. I am nannying two amazing little girls who constantly make me smile and make me proud of them. I enjoy my time at Gymboree, and the center at HFCC where I am logging practicum hours. I love my man more than words can explain. I just got to belt it from my toenails on stage and it felt so good to make music and art with people that I love. Tootsie Rolls and Arnold Palmer Lites are delicious as ever, and Christmas is just around the corner. When times get hard, I think I’ll try to write a little more about what’s going on in my life and fill that bucket – it’s amazing what a positive attitude and a little reflection can do.

Sláinte Mhath!

…and if I capture it on film will it mean that it’s the end and I’m alone?

I have seriously felt the need to get back to blogging, and it’s kind of funny because with all that’s going on in my life currently I have felt no need to write about any of it. What’s also funny is that this summer I have infinite amounts of time to do whatever I wanted because I was basically unemployed and responsibility free. The funny thing about being unemployed? You can’t afford to do anything. So, instead of embracing the time that I had and being happy just to be, I spent a lot of time just being uber depressed and lurking in the pulled-blinds darkness of my room.

I think it’s time to be done with that.

The infiltration of cancer in my life has taught me one thing; life is a gift and a responsibility, and if you don’t live it to the fullest it is your fault. It is your duty to make it the best you can. I think I spend too much time thinking about my duty to improve the lives of others to realize that I am neglecting my own needs and I’m not nurturing my own life. I find that I am my happiest when focusing on improving or adding to something. I’m all about the improvement in everything; I think it’s a teacher thing.

One problem I have been painfully suffering with lately is the fact that I am not so happy about how I look. I think this comes from a summer or undryed hair and makeupless face. It comes from fast food twice a day and a lack of fresh food. It comes from the unwillingness to buy new clothes because I don’t want to look at the size on the label. It comes from a constant comparison to the few females I hang out with who weigh about 6 pounds. It comes from constantly hiding behind a camera instead of being in the picture.

What’s strange right now is that my camera is broken, so I don’t even have the chance to hide behind it. Maybe that’s part of the reason I’ve slipped away from my group of friends and chosen to stay at home, laughing along with my "friends" in the sitcoms and singing with my "friends" on my CDs.

There is no feeling like standing around a piano with your friends and just letting go. Rocky has been so inspiring to me this year to break free and put myself out there. There is no moment in the world that I feel better about myself than when I really let go and just sing from every inch of my being. It’s what makes me feel like, “me.” I don’t know it that makes sense…

When we went shopping for stuff for the show the other day, these two ladies happen to cross my listening path; they were both big girls, and I don’t mean to compare but they were considerably bigger than me – complaining about how the girls on the “plus size” labels are all so pretty and how it’s unrealistic. “Why can’t I look like that? It’s not fair.” I stopped in my tracks and thought to myself, why CAN’T you be plus sized, pretty and REAL? It didn’t make sense to me. Obviously those women on the label had makeup and hair artists, and pretty fancy clothes, but I stopped and thought about it and realized…well maybe they look so good because they aren’t wearing sweatpants, with their hair in a pulled up pony? Maybe they took the time to take pride in how they looked and felt, and it seems to me that this boost of confidence that they have is in part due to the fact that they were wearing something that made them feel good about themselves. They took the time to make themselves feel good. That’s what it boils down to. For some people, it might not be “looking good.” Maybe it’s being in shape, or being good at a sport, or having your nails done or…I don’t know, working on your novel or getting your eyeliner on straight…it’s gotta be what works for you.

So what works for me? I don’t know, it’s a mix of things I guess. I just got my gym membership back. I love to dance, so Zumba is a really good class for me. I just wish there were more times I could get to it. I love putting on my ipod and hitting the elliptical too, so that’ll be good. I’ve been “dieting,” but my mind is always disdainful toward the idea of a diet. I’m trying to buy diet soda. I’m keeping track of what I’m eating, and Thursday is my “cheat” day. I’m not gonna stop the world and not go out to dinner with a friend or have a cookie if I want a damn cookie, but I’m just going to try to make better choices and be aware of what I’m putting into my body, and also very importantly, what it does to my body when I put it in. Besides trying to get physical, I think the most of this needs to be emotional and cognitive. I need to spend more time thinking about what works for me and thinking of me in general. I’ve gotta put myself out there to make and maintain friends and get phone calls to go do things. I’ve spent so much time brooding over my group of friends changing so drastically and not feeling like I have a place to fit in anymore, and I know that my private grief and reactions to what my family is currently experiencing has been a huge part of my seclusion, but I guess I’ve gotta try a little harder to get out and do things. I’ve got to love and be loved, I suppose.

I’ve also decided that I’m going to try to be a little more dedicated to blogging and documenting. It’s good for my soul, and it’s one of the things that “works for me.” It helps to organize my thoughts and sometimes things just come out when I’m writing that don’t come out when I’m just thinking.
So  

you tell 'em, sister...

Natalie Dee, you illustrate my life...

Alanis Morrisette writes songs about my life.

"Everything"

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything (you see everything), you see every part (you see every part )
You see all my light (you see all my light) and you love my dark (and you love my dark )
You dig everything (you dig everything) of which I'm ashamed (of which I'm ashamed)
There's not anything (there's not anything) to which you can't relate (to which you can't relate)
And you're still here

(You see everything, you see every part)
And you're still here
(You see all my light and you love my dark)
And you're still here
(You dig everything of which I'm ashamed)
(There's not anything to which you can't relate)
And you're still here...

What will matter...

What Will Matter

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours, or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built; not what you got but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered, or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.
What will matter are not your memories but the memories that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom, and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.
It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.
Choose to live a life of character.

and Butterflies are free to fly....

This gives me hope that I'm not THAT bad...

If you know me well, you know this: I have one of the worst potty mouths ever. I can turn it off in front of little kids, but that's about it. This article gives me hope, hahaha

July 13, 2009
[BLEEP!] That hurts!
Posted: 06:32 AM ET

By Caitlin Hagan
CNN Medical Associate Producer
http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2009/07/13/bleep-that-hurts/

OK America, I confess: Sometimes I can be a little bit of a potty mouth. (Mom, maybe this is not a great blog for you to read.) Yes, I know those dirty little words are unbecoming to some and I really should watch my language (and I really do try!) but sometimes, when I’m walking through my condo and I stub my baby pinky toe on a table leg and the pain takes my breath away and brings tears to my eyes and makes me freeze with my foot mid-air in ridiculous pain….well, I can’t be held accountable for anything four-lettered I may say. (D**n it!)

Thankfully, Dr. Richard Stephens and his team at Keele University in the United Kingdom just published a study that says swearing actually has a pain-lessening effect. (See Mom? It’s healthy!) When we swear, we increase our threshold for pain, meaning we can bear it longer and don’t feel it as much. Stephens is not sure why this happens, only that for some reason, “swearing appears to increase our pain tolerance.”

Like those moments when I stub my toe, Stephens came up with the idea to study this after he accidentally whacked his finger with a hammer. “I swore a bit and then around the same time, our daughter was born. My wife swore throughout her labor…and the midwife said don’t worry about it, we hear that language all the time.” Not surprising, says clinical psychologist Paula Bloom. “From my own experience of giving birth without drugs to a 9 pound, 11 ounce child, I can imagine I had quite the little truck driver vocabulary going on.”

For the study, Stephens asked the participants to submerge one hand in nearly freezing water for as long as they could while repeating a curse word. Later the participants submerged the same hand again, this time repeating a word they would use to describe a table. When people were cursing, they kept their hand in the water for 40 more seconds than they could otherwise. So what were the words that made that possible? Turns out they were different for everyone. “We decided at the outset that people would give us their own swear words,” Stephens said. “Swearing is quite personal and what one person finds extremely offensive, someone else may not find offensive at all.” That being said, the usual suspects topped the list: s**t, the F word and British slang – bollocks!

All joking aside, many people find swearing to be incredibly distasteful, regardless of when or why it happens. Bloom thinks this study may change that. “This removes the morality piece about language. We’re so quick to judge and sometimes our judgment interferes with science. We’re walking around thinking [swearing] is a bad thing…it’s not really.” Stephens agrees. “Swearing has gotten very bad publicity– it’s a negatively construed thing. But the positive aspect of it is swearing self-regulates our emotions. It can have a beneficial effect.”

Cancer Blog: Part One

I have been avoiding blogging because I haven’t wanted to write out the realness that is going on in my life. I have been depressed for the last month, but you don’t realize how useless the things you were depressed over were until you get news like we got. I’m just writing this because I will have writers and an artistic block (I’ve been working on the same painting for a week now but can’t get past my two ideas for the background) until I get it out. So here goes:

My family had been concerned about my Dad’s health for a couple of months, nothing TOO serious, but the worry was there. He had been losing weight, albeit it was TRYING to, and having trouble eating. Weeks ago, when he was on vacation he decided to go to the doctor to finally get this all sorted out. He did a Barium swallow test and they found a blockage in his esophagus. Days later, he did a scope at Wyandotte hospital, and the doctor confirmed the words we didn’t want to her. My Dad has Esophageal cancer. So, honestly, that day we were upset obviously, but Norman and I have tried to stay of the opinion that there’s no reason to really freak out over what we don’t know is going to happen. This is a key running theme in this story. I will not lie to you and tell you I haven’t cried or freaked out, because I have. I think I have experienced the saddest moment of my life this year, when I just could not pull it together and I was in hysterics. But still, why freak over what you don’t know to be true. Easier said then done. ANYWAY! We went to his family doctor that day, got the appointment set up for the CAT scan, and he did that.

My mom is lucky enough to be good friends with a wonderful woman and radiologist at Karmanos who got us an appointment with the best doctor they could offer us. He is the gastrointestinal specialist there, trained and worked at the Cleveland Clinic, and was highly recommended. When we went for the appointment with him a few weeks later to figure out what was going on his sense of humor and warm but firm instructions reaffirmed in my mind that we were going with the best choice. At first he marveled at my Dad’s happy demeanor and good physical shape and thought that there was no way the cancer had spread, and promised that if my Dad listened to him he’d be able to cure his cancer. After leaving and reviewing the CAT scan, he came back with the information that my Dad’s cancer had spread and there was no cure. My Dad has stage four cancer…there is no stage five.

Obviously, I was shocked and scared and ANGRY…boy, I was angry. I have been dealing with my anger about this in therapy and I swear to you that I yelled so much in therapy the other day that I left with a headache. My Dad is a young, funny, vibrant person whose greatest love in life is the work that he does. Beside worrying about his life, I’m just worried about his livelihood. The doctor said that the goal is to control his cancer, because there is no cure for stage four of this particular disease, and to help the patient retain a good quality of life. A shard of hope was sent our way, and I’m holding onto it for dear life. My dad is patient 38 of 39 in a clinical study at Karmanos, thats only in the works at two hospitals in the WORLD, Karmanos being one of them. This special study is a kind of chemo that is supposed to have lessened side effects so that the patients may be able to work or go about life in a more normal way. My Dad will be getting chemo every three weeks, at Karmanos, and he’ll be getting regular scans to make sure that it’s working. If it’s not, they will try something else. The other bit of hope that we received was his PET scan results; his cancer is only in his esophagus and he has 5 tiny spots in his lungs all under 5 cm. Tascha, his radiologist, said this is a good sign – nothing in the brain or bones, so who knows what can happen.

I feel scared, I feel hurt, and worried and hopeful and strong and shattered and sick and blessed and crazy all at the same time. I thank my lucky stars for having such wonderful, strong people around me and for having living proof that cancer is no longer a death sentence surrounding me. You will not believe how many people have been affected by this disease personally or closely until it happens to you or someone in your family. I am surrounded by survivors, fighters, and their cheerleaders. I’m joining the ranks. I won’t lie and say that I’m going to be ok through all of this, because right now the thought of my Dad going through the pain and suffering the treatment will put him through makes me want to break in half, but I will try my hardest to keep Daddy’s little girl and Daddy’s cheerleader as separate people. I am so blessed to have beautiful family members, the best partner a person can ask for, so many great friends and cheerleaders myself. I thank you all for everything you’ve done/will do for me.

I said at the beginning of this post that I spent weeks before this news being depressed. I won’t lie, I’m not exactly in the right place right now, but I’m going to work on getting better. I think sometimes a huge slap in the face tells us things we need to know and realize that our insecurities and blockages won’t let us see and know. I’m always about turning the negative into the positive, and although it’s going to be hard, that’s my plan of action.

“Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.”
-Christopher Reeve

There goes my hero...

I was absolutely delighted to read this article, and I couldn't be prouder of the woman who was always proud of me. This woman is the reason I knew that I wanted to be a teacher; she is a gift to the city of Trenton and has helped to shape many many MANY lives. I am so proud!




TRENTON: Elementary teacher receives district's Golden Apple award

By Francesca Chilargi


Patricia Mazure, a teacher at Taylor Elementary School in Trenton, was awarded the district's Golden Apple award.

TRENTON — Patricia Mazure loves teaching her fifth-graders.

The Taylor Elementary School instructor, 60, enjoys teaching the children language arts and social studies, working with them and their personalities, watching them grow and seeing the light of learning glow.

“You know that they’re getting something that you’ve been trying to impart,” she said. “I just love teaching.”

Mazure’s fervor for her students is one of the reasons she landed the district’s Golden Apple award.

She received her award at Monday’s Board of Education meeting.

Taylor Principal Janice Misko nominated Mazure for the award.

Anyone can nominate a teacher, coach, parents or anybody else for the award. The school district gives out up to seven annually and has been recognizing people since the 1970s.

Mazure, who nabbed her first Golden Apple award, is quick to point out that she can’t take all of the credit.

“I am very honored, but I really think everyone in our building is part of this because we all share the same family of kids,” she said.

Mazure has been teaching fifth grade for 15 years at Taylor and before that she taught at the now-closed Owen Elementary School.

Receiving the award surprised the city resident because it has been a while since a teacher from Taylor had been selected.

Growing up in the community, Mazure attended Trenton Public Schools and so did her four children.

She has no plans to retire any time soon.

“As long as I get up every morning, I continue to love my job and I feel I am doing my job well, I don’t see a reason to retire,” she said. “Why would you want to leave something like that?

“I am very fortunate I have a career that I love because so many people just work a job. It’s like a gift and I am not going to turn my back on it now.”

Happy Happy Birthday Baby...

I'm trying really hard right now to think positive about everything, and I decided that I needed to blog about some positive experiences. I've yet to write about Dave's birthday, so here we go:

Dave's birthday was a two parter. About a week before his birthday, I decided that we needed to surprise him. I threw together a trip to Dave and Buster’s as a surprise for him. It almost wasn’t a surprise, and I’m not quite sure it actually wasn’t, but Dave says he didn’t know. I made a facebook event to get everyone there and I forgot to make it a secret for about two hours, oops!
At any rate, everyone came over, and we watched the GI Joe videos while we waited for Dave to call me. Dave called and about 8 men shoved their way into my bathtub to hide. What a surprise, haha…



We drove up and had a total blast. What a cool place! We pooled all of our tickets together and Dave got some really great stuff. I got a mug!






The day before Dave’s birthday we went to dinner at PF changes which was super yummy and then set off to go to see Coldplay at DTE! They are his favorite band, and they totally rock, so I was really happy to go. I got a little carsick on the way, and Dave was so sweet to let us stop and get a coke so I could burp it out, hahaha! I hope he always remembers our first birthday together as the one that I burped for an hour in the car. We got to the show and it was a blast! These pictures will show you, this band puts on one HELL of a show! So many props, Chris Martin was AMAZING live…just a total blast.





I always thought I'd know what songs I would want to be "our songs" when I found the one, but I think the moment that I found "our song"...or at least what I think is one of ours. I have never found words that fit us more than this song, and really the moment was just perfect. I've always liked this song, but in that moment it just made so much sense and was so beautiful. It means so much more now that all of this craziness is in my life. Wow, that was mushy. :)


Fix You - Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

and THIS is why I LOATHE Sidney Crosby...

...it's not his crustache, it's not his weak/playgroud attitude of going dramatically into the locker room any time he gets checked, or even the obviously favoritism that ever announcer and member of the NHL's counsel has for him...

THIS proves, Sidney Crosby is a world class douche bag.



Read this article and then watch the video. He's so young, and it shows. How rude.

Loss, Crosby’s snub leave Wings with bitter taste

DETROIT (AP)—The Red Wings can accept that Pittsburgh is the Stanley Cup champion. Getting snubbed by Sidney Crosby(notes) is another matter.

After watching Pittsburgh hoist the Cup on Detroit’s ice, the Red Wings lined up to shake hands with the Penguins as is custom in the NHL playoffs.

Detroit captain Nicklas Lidstrom(notes) was up front, followed by alternate captain Kris Draper(notes), congratulating many of the new champions while waiting for Pittsburgh’s captain.

“Nick was waiting and waiting, and Crosby didn’t come over to shake his hand,” Draper told an Associated Press reporter a couple hours later as he was leaving Joe Louis Arena. “That’s ridiculous, especially as their captain, and make sure you write that I said that!”
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Crosby eventually skated over to shake hands with the Red Wings, but many had already headed for the dressing room. Detroit forward Johan Franzen(notes) and Crosby exchanged words and Crosby then shook hands with goaltender Chris Osgood(notes) and some other Detroit players.

The Penguins were unhappy with the accusation, especially since Crosby was photographed going through the line.

“Nobody respects the traditions of hockey more than Sidney Crosby,” team vice president Tom McMillan said. “It was a young team celebrating its first Cup and some of the guys might have been a little late getting into the handshake line.”

The losing team almost always leaves the ice quickly following an elimination loss, especially during the finals, and it was uncertain how long Lidstrom waited.

Pittsburgh didn’t need Crosby to finish off the Red Wings, beating them 2-1 in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals without the superstar healthy enough to play for the whole game.

Detroit was bitter about blowing 2-0 and 3-2 leads in the series, but the previous champions gave the Penguins their due.

“You’ve got to give them credit,” Red Wings coach Mike Babcock said.

Goaltender Chris Osgood agreed.

“We’re not stunned,” he said. “They had a good team.”

The Red Wings were good, too, just not good enough to overcome hurt or misfiring stars in the finals.

They swept Columbus, survived a seven-game series against Anaheim and skated past Chicago in five games as MVP finalist Pavel Datsyuk(notes) missed several games with a foot injury and Marian Hossa(notes) scoring in just three games.

But the Red Wings couldn’t hold on to hoist the Cup for the second straight year and fifth time in 12 seasons when Datsyuk was out early in the finals and Hossa mustered only three assists against his former teammates.

“Any time you win three games in a final, you have a chance,” Babcock said. “We just didn’t have enough to get it done.

“The guys that were injured on our team this year never got their game back to the level it could be. And they were significant players for us.”

Hossa wasn’t hurt.

He was just ineffective.

Hossa seemed to crumble in the spotlight after turning down a lucrative, long-term contract last summer to stay with the runner-up Penguins to take a one-season shot at the Cup with the defending champions.

Hossa is eligible to be an unrestricted free agent again, but he wasn’t ready to talk about his plans.

“I can’t think about that now,” he said. “I’m sure we’ll have some talks.”

The Red Wings will have some interesting decisions to make this offseason because they probably can’t keep Hossa along with key free agents such as Jiri Hudler(notes), Mikael Samuelsson(notes), Tomas Kopecky(notes) and Ville Leino(notes).

Detroit general manager Ken Holland answered some of the franchise’s questions during the regular season by signing Henrik Zetterberg(notes) to a contract through the 2020-21 season and Franzen to an 11-year contract.

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman said the deals, which are set up to pay the players much less toward the end of the contracts, don’t circumvent the salary cap.

“The rules allow what the Red Wings have done,” Bettman said during the playoffs. “But if I was running a team, which I’m not, I would opt for shorter-term contracts.

“If they keep doing it, some of the contracts will probably turn out to be great and some will lead to people scratching their heads.”

Zetterberg likes his team’s chances of competing for a championship next June and in the years to come.

“We still have a good team,” Zetterberg said shortly after shaving his two-month thick beard. “It’s going to make us stronger. We’ve got a great group of guys here that are going to be around for a number of years.”

The louder he spoke of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons

This is a lesson I've learned so much this year.

I've learned it through life experiences, through changes toward happiness.
I've learned it through crass remarks, and ludicrous phone calls.

I'm learning more every day, but I'm glad this is something I already know: I wouldn't let the color of my skin, the way I look, where I was born, or what others think of me define me;

I sure as HELL will NEVER let a piece of paper define me or the ones that I love.

Thank you and goodnight.

oi oi oi!

So very true.
I miss you all. <3

The good old hockey game...

Theres been some dissention among the ranks regarding the history and name of Al the Octopus, so I decided to do a little research. Although many of us know him as Stanley, he's actually Al. This is pretty cool:



A1 the Octopus is the eight armed mascot of the Detroit Red Wings of the National Hockey League. During some games (usually playoffs), octopuses are thrown onto the ice by fans for good luck, this usually occurs after the national anthem or after a goal is scored. In some cases, a delay of game penalty gets called, but this is very unusual, because of the long-standing tradition.

This Legend of the Octopus tradition, started on April 15th, 1952, when two brothers, Pete and Jerry Cusimano, who owned a fish market, decided to throw an octopus onto the ice at Olympia Stadium, with the eight tentacles of the octopus symbolizing the eight wins it took to win the Stanley Cup at the time. The Red Wings were a perfect 7-0 in the playoffs and were one win away from not only winning the Cup, but becoming the first perfect team in the NHL's post season history. Sure enough the Red Wings won that game, and the media made mention of the octopus "omen" in the papers the following day, thus establishing the octopus legend in the process. Fans have been throwing octopi onto the ice at Red Wings games ever since. The tradition died down somewhat in the 1970s and 1980s during the Red Wings dismal seasons, but when the Red Wings became contenders again in the '90s, the tradition resumed.

Eventually, a drawn purple octopus mascot was created, and in the 1995 playoffs a large Octopus prop was unveiled. The Octopus was eventually named "Al" (after Joe Louis Arena building operations manager Al Sobotka), and every playoff year since, Al the Octopus gets raised to the rafters, when the Red Wings skate out onto the ice. As the years went on some modifications were made to Al, such as making it so his pupils light up red (blinking on and off), the adding of a large Red Wing Jersey to his body, and the removal of a tooth in order to give Al that "hockey player" look. Al often appears on Red Wings apparel and promotional items. Coca Cola would later create stuffed Als, in their Fan in the Can or Al in the Can promotion. The promotion featured cases of Coke in which some cans were, in fact, containers holding the stuffed Al. Later, Michigan stores would carry the doll, and it would be sold via a mail-in.

There have been many other types of Al merchandise, such as stickers, inflatable dolls, and decals. During the 1996 playoff year, a CD called A Call to Arms was released featuring Al on the cover. Being an octopus, Al's jersey number is 8.

from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Detroit_Red_Wings

I miss blogging...

It's been so long since I've found the time to write. I am very comfortable, snuggly in my bed and my baby is sleeping right next to me. This is honestly the best feeling in the whole world. I can't wait until the day that this is how my day ends every day. I know I should wake him up and let him go home, but I'm feeling selfish and I want him next to me. I'll wake him up when I'm done.

I feel like I go through these phases where I feel so inspired, and usually these times come about when I'm feeling change, or feeling relaxed - going with the flow or surrounded by inspiring people.

I am definitely feeling so very inspired and excited about the people in my life right now.

First of all, and I know this might sound corny, but you know what...if you grew up in Michigan you'd understand - it's playoff time! I am so excited, seriously. I am so proud of where I am from and I seriously love my Red Wings. I think that Johan Franzen is my new favorite. Red Hot Johan, baby. Dan Cleary has been a total beast this series, too. I'm seriously impressed by him, but repulsed by his neck beard...ack! Hockey games are a huge part of my family tradition, so it feels great to spend alot of time at my parents and to see my brother so much. Lets face it, I just love to yell anyway, so it's a great excuse to get excited and jump up and down and scream. I really want to go to Joevision but I don't think it's starting until the next series. I have a feeling we'll be seeing the those damn Penguins again and I'm gonna go nuts when I have to see Crosby's ugly mug all the damn time.

Inspiration, inspiration...that's where I was going with this...VACATION! We just went on vacation to Frankenmuth and I had a really great time. There was a period of time where I was feeling really unhappy when I was there, and that was due to my own issues with myself and failure, and I realized during this trip that Dave has a way with me like no other. I spent a good 40 minutes alone with him in our room crying and I swear to you, he just knows what to do. It was awesome. Besides my minor freakout, I had a blast and got to see my friends for two whole days straight. I hardly get to see anyone anymore so it was a real blessing. I think that everyone had a pretty good time and I'm really glad we got the opportunity to go. I'm trying to figure out when our next trip to Kalahari should be! I want to go on vacation so bad. I'm pretty free from serious commitment this summer, so I want to rove. Hopefully I'll get that chance. I think I might even try just going somewhere by myself...I just need to get away from it all for awhile.

Also, I feel like art is everywhere right now. I've got such talented friends and the constant beauty I find in their artwork and even their everyday being is very inspiring to me. My cousin Emily has been working on a book, Sam is constantly producing masterpieces, people have been painting their homes and I really feel a wave of creativity ready to burst. I want to paint my bathroom, work on a couple of different manuscripts and do alot of painting/crafting this summer.

I think warm weather inspires me artistically too. Today I was jumping on the trampoline with Kiera, and feeling the warmth on my skin and hearing her little giggle just made me so happy. I spent alot of today doing things for myself (ugh, 3 Doctors in one day!) but it almost felt refreshing to get stuff done for ME. I started therapy again today, and I'm pretty excited about it. I need to do a little more work on me right now. Things have just been catching up to me and making me a little emotional, so I knew it was time to do a little more soul searching.

Other than all of this, I'm just livin'. No classes this spring, I'm thinking about maybe taking some in the summer but I'm not sure. I'm jobless, (well, not nannying...so I'm missing my BIG source of income) but I'm not too worried about it. Partylite and Gymboree should get me through the summer. I've got a couple of ideas for after that, but we'll have to see. It's almost kind of liberating in a way to not have a set path. That's maturity, for me.

I'm going to wake Dave up in ten minutes. He's adorable. I'm so glad that he has tomorrow off, he really needs a break. Tomorrow for me is watching Harper, then teaching some classes at Gymbo, and then going to see Terminator with the guys at night. Should be interesting, especially since I don't think I've ever seen the first ones, hahaha! All I know is I'll be back. I think that's from those movies....I don't know....

Sleeping Beauty just woke up, said mmmmm, kissed my arm, and he's already back asleep. :) I've gotta go, getting him to stay awake is never an easy task...<3

Pictures of the......weekish

These are me and Dave's little love monkies from Zehnder's. They topped our ice cream with these little guys, and their tales made a heart. <3

Due to an unfortunate swimming incident, my phone took a dive this week. :( So, some of the pictures of the week are gone for ever. BUT! I do have some good ones from...

FRANKENMUTH!



This is the greatest picture of all time.



Me and my Baby love! <3



Bear hugggggs!



Uh...Shane. Pretty self explanatory, haha!




My pretty peacock. He was brilliant.

The universe works in mysterious ways....

I read random articles online like it's my job. I've never been a huge Larry King fan or anything, but the style of this writing and they way this hit me really makes me want to read his book. I think I'm at a point right now where I could really use a "win." I'm feeling inspired.


http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/books/05/14/larry.king.track/index.html

Editor's note: Below is an excerpt from Larry King's autobiography, "My Remarkable Journey," published by Weinstein Books. Larry King anchors "Larry King Live at 9 p.m. ET on CNN.

I was thirty-seven years old. (In 1971). I had no job. I had a couple hundred thousand dollars in debts. And a four-year-old daughter. I'd take Chaia to our secret park on our visiting days. That's when the pain cut the deepest -- looking at my daughter and knowing I had no way to support her.

Things got bleaker and bleaker. I became a recluse. By late May, I was down to forty-two dollars. My rent was paid only until the end of the month. I locked myself in my apartment wondering how bad things could possibly get. Pretty soon I wouldn't even be able to afford cigarettes. I remembered a night when I was a young man in New York, alone, cold, and without cigarettes or the money to buy them -- I had smashed open a vending machine to get a pack.

A friend called up and told me to start living like a human being again. He invited me to the track. I had nothing better to do, and I figured it would be good therapy to get out and have lunch with a friend and watch the horses come down the stretch.

I'll never forget that day. I put on a Pierre Cardin jeans outfit that had no pockets and drove to Calder Race Course. I can still see the horses warming up before the third race. There was a horse called Lady Forli -- a filly running against males.

Normally, female horses don't beat males. We're talking cheap horses. I scanned the board and saw that she was 70-1. But my eyes really opened when I looked at the racing form. Racetrack people talk to each other. So I turned to the guy next to me and said, "You know, this horse, three races back, won in more or less the same company. Why is she 70-1?"

"Well," the guy said, "there's a couple of new horses here."

"Yeah, but she should be, like, 20-1. Not 70--1."

Screw it. I bet ten dollars on the horse to win. But I kept looking at the horse. The more I looked at this horse, the more I liked it. So I bet exactas. I bet Lady Forli on top of every other horse and below every other horse. Now I had what's called a wheel.

Larry King's life in pictures »

I kept looking at the horse. Wait a minute, I told myself, I've got four dollars left. I have a pack of cigarettes. I've gotta give the valet two bucks. That still leaves me with money to bet a trifecta.

My birthday is November 19. Lady Forli was number 11. So I bet 11 to win, 1 to place, and 9 to show.

Now I had bets in for 11 on top, 11 on bottom, and 11 to win. And I had a trifecta -- 11-1-9.

When the race began, I had two dollars left to my name -- and that was for the valet.

They broke out of the gate. The 1 broke on top, the 9 ran second, and the 11 came out third. The 11 passed the 9, passed the 1, and they ran in a straight line all around the track. There was no question about it. The 11 won by five lengths. The 1 was three lengths ahead of the 9. I had every winning ticket. I had it to win. I had the exacta. I had the trifecta. I collected nearly eight thousand dollars. Eight thousand dollars!

It had to be one of the happiest moments of my life -- certainly the most exciting. But I had no pockets.

So I stuffed all the money in my jacket. It was bundled up. I didn't know what to do with it. I ran out of the track. The valet attendant came over and said, "You leaving so early?"

"Yeah."

"Bad day, Mr. King?"

I tipped him fifty dollars. The guy nearly fainted.

I had to go somewhere, to stop and make sure it was real. I drove to a vacant lot, which is now called Dolphin Stadium. I parked among the weeds and opened up my jacket. All the money spilled out. I counted out about seventy-nine hundred dollars.

I paid my child support for the next year. I paid my rent for a year. I bought twenty cartons of cigarettes and stacked them up in my apartment, and I filled the refrigerator.

Up to that point, that may have been the happiest moment of my life. Now, today, if I go to the track and win $8,000, it's very nice, but it won't affect my life one iota. It's nice to win. But when you really need it ...

Pictures of the Week-ish

My new glasses!


The tickets that did NOT win me a trip to Las Vegas. :(


Sleeping Dave and Sexy Cam


Mustachoed


Hey Babaaaay!



Pretty Piggies

It's called the circle of life, folks...

oink oink oink. :)

If I cannot fly, let me sing...

So, I've always loved birds. I don't know if it's that they sing, that they talk alot, or if that they need to be free, but I really have just always related to them.

I spent the entire day watching this first video, and laughing my ass off.



Then, I found this one.



This bird can JAM. Look at him march it out. I love when he kicks his frickin' legs up. I melt. I love this bird, hahaha!

I did a little research about this online, and I found alot of cool information how certain animals, such as birds, seals, elephants, and dolphins have a sense of rhythm that is comparable to ours as humans. I love it.

DON'T MESS WITH MARCHING BAND GIRLS!!!

'Don't mess with the marching band girls'
'Moral to this story is don't mess with the marching band girls,' official says
The Associated Press
updated 11:14 a.m. ET, Thurs., April 30, 2009

QUARTZ HILL, Calif. - Don't mess with a marching band girl, especially one armed with a baton.

A 17-year-old high school marching band student beat up two assailants who tried to mug her as she walked to school in this high desert community about 40 miles north of Los Angeles, sheriff's officials said Tuesday.

The girl punched one of the men in the nose, kicked the other in the groin and beat both with her large baton before she ran away on Friday morning, officials said.

"The moral to this story is don't mess with the marching band girls, or you just might get what you deserve," said Los Angeles County sheriff's Deputy Michael Rust.

He said two men approached the girl from behind, grabbed her coat and demanded money. Deputies searched near Quartz Hill High School for the muggers, looking for a man who was holding his bloodied nose and the other limping.

No arrests have been made, but Rust said it appears the girl made her point to her assailants.

"Final score: Marching band 2, thugs 0," Rust quipped.

Copyright 2009 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30493653/

The week in pictures...

Oooh, lalaaaaa! Our sexy new porch! Thanks to Trish for the old patio set! <3



So, I didn't take this one, but I can't look at it without cracking up! SERIOUSLY! Iris is a badass!!!! SHE'S PISSED! hahaha



WHAT A FUN CONCERT! They are so damn funny, I'm so glad we all got to go!



Harper was just so stinkin' happy to be outside this week. She squealed every time a car drove by. It's so much fun to watch this little punkin' grow. :)



This was one of the most beautiful rainbows I've ever seen! It was outside of gymboree, and the picture isn't so great because you can't really tell that it's a double rainbow!

That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion...

I was about to title this post, "I think I figured something out," but then it reminded me of the Beavis and Butthead movie, and I started laughing hysterically. "Uhh...Beavis? I think I figured something out......this SUCKS." Wow, maturity is awesome.

ANYWAY - this is supposed to actually be a very serious and thoughtful blog, but of course, you know me - I can't stop thinking of things like Beavis and Butthead.

Okay, back to meaning -

So, I have struggled for many many years with spirituality. I have been blessed, in my everyday life, to be surrounded with constant examples of wonderful role models. Some people taught me about life - others about self esteem. Some people inspire and challenge my creativity, my sense of humor, my grace, my mind, my love for people - and some inspire me spiritually.

I was raised Catholic (duh, we're Irish) and I really enjoyed some parts of it. I'm a literature nut, for one thing, so I really enjoyed learning all of the different stories of the bible. I liked mass at some points because I do enjoy tradition, I like to sing, and I like to listen to good speakers. The Fathers at my churches were always really easy to relate to. I enjoyed it.

As I grew up, I found that my own personal beliefs did not mesh with those of the catholic church, which could have probably broken my sweet Irish Grandmother's heart. I have somewhat of a logical mind for a really emotional person, and quite frankly, alot of Christianity just doesn't make sense/fit with me. It's cool though, I totally respect that so many of my friends are very into Christianity. It's just not for me.

I have been so turned off to "religion" by so many, which is sad. People in this world try so hard to spread joy to others and spread the word and help save people and I really feel like so many of these people are alienating people and discrediting themselves. It's really frustrating and sad to watch, because it really does make you think differently of people.

I have a list of people who inspire me spiritually, and just to name a few:
Courtney Davidson - devout, practicing...accepting of EVERYONE, no matter what.
Shannon Tyrybon - encouraging, believing...she makes it work for her.
Shane Costello - HUMAN, well informed...never pushy, never judgemental.

I am constantly inspired, repeatedly, on a day to day basis by Emily Koch. It saddens me to think of how she's been judged by people when I cannot think of a better example of someone who is living her life through her beliefs. I've written down a list of the smartest things anyone has ever said to me regarding religion, and Emily's still trumps all: some people are talkers, some people are walkers, when those people get confused and think they are the other, that's when people are offended/alienated by Christianity. Just food for thought.

The thing that seems weird is this:

I really do find alot of joy in celebrating lots of things about lots of different religions. There are alot of parts of Christianity I can relate to. I feel really moved by so many of the Daoist ideas. I love to read the teachings of the Buddha, Gandhi, Muhammad, etc. I ADORE Greek and Roman mythology! I find myself relating to those stories all of the time!

I guess overall what I believe in is the universe. I don't think we are just dead when we're dead. I believe in ghosts, in karma, and in people being put on this earth for a reason.

It's really hard for me to swallow the idea that there is just ONE person's life/ideas that we are supposed to follow. I am so constantly inspired by so many, from preachers to poor college students, that it's way too hard for me to swallow the rules of a religion that say you can only follow one person. I don't follow the rules well, that's one thing I've always known about myself. I can go with the flow, but I always make it work how it works for me, no matter what the situation. I have always been that way.

The Bible is a book. It is open for interpretation and anyone who says any differently needs to do some research. As a writer, ANYTHING that's written is written to touch each reader in a different way - as is any word spoken, and song sung, or any action acted. We are different life forces; we see things differently, each and everyone one. To me, it's a book, like any other book. It teaches some really great things, and some of it I don't agree with. I think Jesus was a great guy, pretty much the ultimate rebel, and people could take ALOT away from his story: stick up for what you believe in, love love love love LOVE. That's the most important message: LOVE. Sad to think how that gets messed up so much, eh?

So, I have decided. I am not going to spend my time trying to convince myself I might possibly MAYBE almost fit into Christianity anymore. I don't fit in anywhere I go, really - why would I think this to be any different. I enjoy some of the messages, and some I don't. I will NOT ever lump all Christians together, because it's just not worth doing to tell you the truth, and I will not let my judgement on one person represent the whole group. BUT, according to the rules, I'm not allowed in the club, haha. Am I going to hell? I don't think so. I think I'm still on the VIP list. I don't think I actually believe that Persephone was pulled into the underworld and returns every spring to Demeter, so why is it so hard to accept that I don't believe that Jesus died, then got up and flew into the sky? I dunno. I'm really not trying to be disrespectful, I'm just trying to put it in a way so that I'm understood.

I believe in LOVE. I believe that all people are good at heart, and that kindness echoes. I believe in karma, and I believe in spirits/angels. I believe that hate is ugly, and that trying to disguise hate by covering it in your beliefs/trying to help others is just as ugly. I believe that just because we all call it a different word: God, the universe, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Mohammad, LIFE, - whatever! - doesn't mean that any one's more right than anyone else, and I believe that is a truly truly beautiful thing. I really think that the most beautiful part of all of this is that we will never know the real truth until the time comes that we find out, and until then I will just keep doing what I think is the best for me and hope that my beliefs can be respected just as much as I respect those of other people's.

the itsy bitsy spiiiiiiiiiderrrr.....

I remember most of my dreams, or at least parts of them, but sometimes parts of the dream will linger throughout the day. I thought this instance was really interesting, because I'm not scared of spiders. They don't really bother me. I think they are kind of cute, actually. 8 is tied for my favorite number, so I like all of their leggies.

ANYWAY - last night I dreamt that I kept picking up blue and red spiders everywhere. That's all I remember. There were lots of them, and I kept picking them up. I did a little research...



Spider

1. An ancient symbol for weaving, and thus for creativity. The dreamer may be going through a rough time in life, and need to find a creative solution to resolve the situation. Dreaming of a spider can be reassuring: You have it in you to find the solution.

2. If the spider seems threatening, or the web too intricate, the message is that you are complicating things unnecessarily and need to simplify your life.

3. If you are an artist of any kind, Spider heralds a rush of creative activity that could point you in a new career direction.

4. A sign of strength and resiliency. Whatever hard times the dreamer is going through now, she has what it takes to get through them.

Astrological parallels: Venus, Pluto.

Tarot parallels: The Magician, Strength.

I highlighted alot of stuff, and this really really makes alot of sense to me. Strength is my card! I've been thinking so hard about so much stuff lately and all of those statements just seem so right at this time. I'm feeling a little inspired, I'd have to say.

r-e-c-y-c-l-e recycleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Persephone is my favorite story of all mythology, and today is her mother, Demeter's day: EARTH DAY!

I'm not going to pretend I do everything I should to help out the earth, I don't recycle enough, and I don't do all the "go green" stuff tv keeps telling you that you should do...

But I do have one recycling cause that I think is more important than any other. Recycling LIFE. Yes, donating blood and organs. I try to send out this link about twice a year to encourage people to become organ donors in the case that anything ever happened to them. You could give the greatest gift of all by recycling something that you wouldn't need anymore.

Just think about it, and visit this link.
https://services.sos.state.mi.us/OrganDonor/Registry.aspx

I leave you with the greatest teaching method regarding recycling and conserving EVER

Post Secret, FTW, yet again

Making a dent...

I'm feeling inspired, and I thought this was a good one to share. I got an email forward today from my mom about a woman named Irena Sendler.

Irena Sendler

There recently was a death of a 98 year-old lady named Irena. During WWII, Irena, got permission to work in the Warsaw Ghetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist. She had an 'ulterior motive' ...She KNEW what the Nazi's plans were for the Jews, (being German.) Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of the tool box she carried and she carried in the back of her truck a burlap sack, (for larger kids.) She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers of course wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids/infants noises. During her time of doing this, she managed to smuggle out and save 2500 kids/infants. She was caught, and the Nazi ' s broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely. Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard. After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it and reunited the family. Most of course had been gassed. Those kids she helped got placed into foster family homes or adopted.

In 2009 Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize ... She was not selected. Al Gore won, for a slide show on Global Warming.

I hardly ever read email forwards, and I figured it was gonna be ther 212312398th I got about that Britain's got talent lady, haha, but I am so glad I read it. I spent some time doing research on this remarkable woman, and found that what the email said WAS true, and was very inspired to find lifeinajar.com - a website made by a group of US students who were very inspired by her story as well. As a challenge from their teacher, they had to do a project about a person who changed the world; they found info about her, found HER, wrote a plsy about her life and years later are still performing it around the world. Truly inspiring.

I'm a big believer in karma and the universe, and after doing all this research, I found alot of things to be interesting: She died on the birthday of the girl who reached out to her the most during the lifeinajar project, and lots of other dates meshed like that. I found this story today, and then look at what I found on the website.



It makes me smile. I guess I know what I'm doing tonight. I'm glad the universe worked this out for me, haha. :)

Kissin' kissin', that's what I've been missin'...

I was in Target today, standing in the check out line, and I notice the couple in front of me. They are young, but have obviously been together for awhile. She makes a mistake with the credit card machine and he tells her what she's doing wrong, then instantly looks at her face, realizing what he's said; before she has a chance to say anything or bicker he gives her the sweetest softest kiss in the world. She smiles and fixes her mistake.

It was a random act of beauty, and reminded me of how lucky I am. <3